The Comfort of Words: Reflections on life, loss and meaning

I’m one of those people who, when I come across a quote that resonates, cling to it. Validation can be armor that protects, or a blanket that wraps you in comfort. Knowing that some other person at some other moment in time felt the same way, or agrees with the same idea… sometimes it’s the only connection you have. I’ve had many quotes or notions that became badges. Often, I would believe each would last forever like some universal truth. I’ve lived long enough now to watch them fade, wear down, or just evolve into something with more meaning. At 16, I truly believed “everything happens for a reason.” I had watched how life seemed to all be connected. One moment influenced the next, and it seemed like it was all tied together in a way I could only understand as fate. So when difficult and bad things happened, I held on to the idea that it was just a stepping stone to a happily ever after we all deserved. I don’t know why I was so naïve. I was living my life in a way where I excused poor treatment and abuse, even my own bad decisions, with the simple idea that it all happens for a reason. I endured because I thought it would take me somewhere beautiful. When my dad passed away from his alcoholism, a long difficult journey with years of turmoil, it was the first time I realized that sometimes these difficult situations aren’t taking you anywhere beautiful.

In fact, they could be leading you straight to an early death after years of suffering. It deeply impacted my beliefs about life and the way I chose to live. Instead of believing that “everything happens for a reason,” I changed my perspective and started thinking that “everything happens. We give it a reason,” and the purpose of life was to create reason, to put meaning into things.

The good, the bad, the absolute boring were nothing but containers for us to fill. Life has not changed; I changed the way I looked at it, and ultimately the way that I behave within it. I still love quotes; sometimes it’s nice to come across something that articulates some experience in a way that pulls it to the surface, gives you a tangible way to connect and analyze it. If you’re vulnerable, take comfort and shelter within the words. A temporary stop, a place to reflect. It’s not the words that speak to us; it’s the meaning we have given them.