Saying the Wrong Thing.

There is this Youtube creator I sometimes watch. Her channel is Lune Innate, she makes relaxing Reiki combined with ASMR type videos. Sometimes when she’s particularly stumbling over her words, like we all do from time to time, she will ask her viewers to listen with their heart. 

I love this concept, it sounds a bit impractical, but essentially she is asking for people to listen for the intentions behind the words. Maybe this is more listen with your nervous system and a healthy dose of critical thinking skills…but listen with your heart works too. To give grace to another human is all that is being asked here. 

I’m sure everyone has at some point “said the wrong thing” and it wasn’t received well. 

I was in a relationship once where it didn’t matter what I said at all, this person did the opposite of listening with their heart and instead of finding my intention or giving me grace, my words no matter how carefully crafted, were twisted to fit some wild accusation and used as proof that I was indeed malicious, evil, and disgusting. 

I have adopted this way of listening, I have become a safe person to “say the wrong thing to”. It serves me very well at the job that I do, because I don’t take offense. I hear the exhaustion, the frustration, the overwhelm behind the words. I hear the human beneath it. 

I feel honored in moments where they let their public mask slip in front of me, even if it's messy, rude, cranky, sad, or whatever. Something about the authenticity of that draws me in. 

I saw a quote specifically about awkward people on the internet, that their awkwardness is proof that they are being genuine and I cannot look at a person having an awkward moment the same. Pretty sure I get stars in my eyes because genuineness is maybe the most attractive trait to me.  And sometimes being genuine means “saying the wrong thing” 

But listening with your heart doesn’t just help where you need to meet people with empathy. It can be protective as well. Coming back to the nervous system and critical thinking skills… There are times when all the right words are spoken, but the intention behind those perfectly curated words is maybe to manipulate. I don’t even know how many times I listened to and believed the apologies, the expressed remorse and the claims to change. It all sounded so real, only to serve the purpose of dragging me back in. 

Listening with your heart is sometimes cutting through the fluffy word salad and getting to the heart of the matter. Looking at the intention. Sometimes things sound nice and they are wrong. Like slimy sales tactics meant to wow and confuse you into compliance. 

I will take the wrong thing to say even if it's blunt, raw, messy, or harsh over the smoke and mirrors.  

Next time you find yourself feeling like you said the wrong thing, maybe consider this. 

It wasn’t the wrong thing, it was the wrong person.