No Regrets

I used to have no regrets. There was a point in my life that I fully believed that regret was wasted energy, that it served no purpose to simply feel bad about the past. I would have told you that as long as you learned something from a situation there was no reason to have regret. It was an excuse. 

My beliefs have evolved over the years and when I think about having no regrets now, what I hear is a lack of accountability.  Denial of one's past mistakes. The inability to own, and process our own behavior. And the desire to continue making mistakes without having to ever openly own them.  I get it because the scary part is that as soon as one mistake is acknowledged, well, that opens the door to a lifetime of accountability, it could shatter someone if not processed in moderation. With patience, and acceptance of the self. 

I think regret, like all emotions, serves a purpose, and it's important to see it for what it is. Not to give it too much significance, or too little. We are all human, (well I'm assuming anyways) and it is ok, normal, expected to experience regret from time to time. It’s not about learning your lesson and never making that mistake again, that is important. It is about having the strength to hold it knowing you did, or didn’t do something the way you would have liked. 

I have many regrets now, most are not standing up for myself sooner, and making the changes I needed to make. My own lack of action meant I ended up suffering longer than necessary. I want to keep that, I want that regret to live in me. Become part of who I am. Integrated into my very identity. I am made up of all the emotions, all my experiences, all the joy, sorrow, love and yes even regret. Often these things go hand in hand. 

Regret can be a lighthouse, shining a light in the dark on the things that you value, guiding you to appreciate things maybe you took for granted once, the contrast reveals our unacknowledged values, ones maybe we didn’t know we had until we felt regret over them. 

Maybe it is time to shatter the mask and start acknowledging those moments, not with judgement, but curiosity.